Skip's Scramble

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What have we always said is the most important thing? Breakfast.

In honor of the return of Arrested Development on the 26th and the one year anniversary of this blog we decided to make Skip's Scramble. 

Do not make the Skip's Scramble. 

The scramble is of course the standout dish of Skip's Bistro from Arrested Development, first featured in the episode, "

Out on a Limb

." This is the only dish that's epic enough to celebrate the return of Arrested Development and the one year blogiversary. You'll notice that all the dishes within the scramble are Arrested Development themed, and yes I even threw some cornballs in there. Sure, this post is a little different than previous ones, but after a year I figured take things to another level and push myself a little harder. I knew that to make it through this dish all I had to do was keep my head down and power through.

Skip's Scramble is the perfect dish to snack on while you binge watch the new season of Arrested Development on Netflix.

Skip's Scramble

• Everything on the menu

I Just Blue Myself Berry Waffles

Yields 6 square waffles

• 1 1/2 cup Flour
• 3 1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 tablespoon Sugar
• 1 1/4 cup Milk
• 1 Egg
• 3 tablespoons melted Butter
• 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Flavoring
• 1/2 cup frozen Blueberries

1. Strip down to your cut-offs and paint yourself blue.
2. Okay good now you're ready to start making waffles. Preheat your waffle iron. 
3. Mix all the dry ingredients together in a bowl. Then mix in the milk, egg, cinnamon, and vanilla flavoring. Once everything is mixed together to a chunky chunky consistency add the blueberries. Stir the blueberries into the mixture and make sure the blueberries turn the batter blue or else you'll be blue (emotionally, not the color).  
4. Plop the batter into your waffle iron and cook until crisp. I would give you an exact time, but your waffle iron is probably really weird and cooks differently than mine.

Banana Stand Pancakes

Finally a breakfast item that will make your banana stand.

Yields 8 large pancakes

• 1 1/4 cup Flour
• 2 t Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 tablespoon Sugar
• 1 cup Milk
• 1 Egg
• 3 tablespoons melted Butter
• 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Flavoring
• 2 mushed Bananas
• 1/4 cup Nuts
• 1/2 cup Chocolate Chips

1. Promote yourself to Mr. Manager. Then mix all the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Mash up the bananas in a separate bowl then use a spatula to scrape them into the mixing bowl containing the dry ingredients. Add the remaining ingredients, adding the nuts and chocolate chips last. 
2. Cook on a skillet over medium high heat until golden brown on each side. 

Cornball Cakes

Yo soy Loco por los Cornballs tortas!

Yields 10 cornballs

• 1/2 cup Cornmeal
• 1/2 cup Flour
• 1 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1/4 cup Sugar
• 1 Egg
• 1/3 cup Milk
• 1 teaspoon Olive Oil

1. Mix all the dry ingredients in a bowl. Mix in the rest of the ingredients and get ready to start cornballing.
2. Heat oil in a skillet, enough to fry the cornballs. Use a large cereal spoon to scoop the batter into the pan. 

Banger in the Mouth

Oh I forgot here in the states it's called a sausage in the mouth.

• Spicy Pork Sausage

1. If you don't know how to cook sausage then you might need to reevaluate everything in your life.

Balboa Bay Bacon

The key to good bacon is to keep it fresh!

• Bacon

1. Fry in a pan over medium-high heat until crisp.

Model Home Fries

These aren't just a Homefill.

Yields 2 servings

• 3 red potatoes cubed
• 1/2 teaspoon salt 
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon paprika
• 3 tablespoons Olive oil

1. Preheat the oven to 400.
2. Toss the potatoes with the olive oil in a mixing bowl. Once coated with oil sprinkle the spices over the potatoes. Place on a cooking sheet and place in oven.
3. Cook for 10 minutes. Use a spatula to flip the potatoes, continue cooking until golden brown and crispy on the outside. Should be around another 10 minutes of cooking.

Fried Eggs Her? (Not Pictured)

• 2 eggs
• Salt & Pepper to taste

1. Break egg over skillet on medium-high heat.
2. Cook for about 45 seconds and then flip.
3. Cook for 30 seconds. Done.

Hot Ham Water

It's so hammy, and yet there's a smack of ham to it.

• 4 slices of ham

1. Place on skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Cook until slightly brown on each side.
3. Serve with bacon, because ham and bacon go well together.

Scrambled Eggs (Scramende Style)

If you Google this recipe, no results will be found.

• 4 Eggs
• 1/4 teaspoon Paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon Sweet Basil Flakes
• 1/4 teaspoon of Salt & Pepper
• 1/4 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

1. Mix everything in a bowl. Pour into a small skillet and use a rubber spatula to scramble the eggs while they cook.
2. If they look done, then the eggs are probably overcooked.

Vodka on the Rocks with a Piece of Toast

• Vodka
• Ice
• 1 slice of Bread

1. Pour some vodka over ice and remember that it's only 8 am.
2. Make a piece toast.

Poisoned Muffins made by the Muffin Man

1. Just follow this recipe and add your favorite poison, might I suggest something with a bitter almond taste?
2. Place in muffin basket.

It Ain't Easy Being Egg Whites, It Ain't Easy Being Hash Browns

Breakfast food brings everyone together and patches cultural divides.

• 2 large Russet Potatoes grated
• 1/4 cup worth of grated Onion
• Salt & Pepper
• Olive Oil
• 2 Eggs yolk removed

1. Rince the potatoes. Grate the them into a mixing bowl. Squeeze out the juices over the sink. This will make the potatoes crispier once cooked. Grate the onion in with the potatoes. Mix together with the salt and pepper.
2. Pour enough oil into a pan to make a 2 cm-deep pool of oil. Heat over medium high. 
3. Place the potatoes in the pan. Cook for 5 minutes. Flip. Cook until golden brown.
4. Scramble the egg whites in a bowl with salt and pepper. Cook over medium high heat until cooked.

So there you have it, Skip's Scramble. Don't order the Skip's Scramble. We couldn't even make it halfway through it. Though if you're planning on throwing a viewing party I wouldn't dismiss the scramble. This dish pairs nicely with some GoBias Coffee.

All photos taken by the amazing 

Katy Weaver

On the next post of Cooking with B.S.-->

Brian discovers an old recipe from a cookbook from the 1900's. He discribes it to Katy and she rolls her eyes. After adding spices and other things they didn't have in the 1900's he makes "Beef Juice" taste somewhat edible. And Katy somehow makes "Beef Juice" look appetizing.

I need a favor

Crepes

 

Having to choose between two great things is always a tough choice. Rarely in life do we get everything we want, crepes shouldn't be one of those difficult decisions. If you're anything like me then you're always plauged with the age old question, should I make savory or sweet crepes? Sure, making a bland normal batter would result in a crepe that could be filled with either salty or sweet things. That's why I added something extra to the savory batter, which then could easily be turned into a sweet crepe with just a few other ingredients.

Crepes 

Makes about 16 crepes

• 2 large eggs
• 3/4 cup milk (I use 3.8% milk)
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 cup flour
• 3 tablespoons melted butter
• 1/4 teaspoon sweet basil
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

1. Put all ingredients into a bowl. Mix until there's no more clumps. 
2. I recommend using a crepe pan if you have one, or using a shallow skillet. 
3. Cook each side for about 40 seconds over medium heat.
4. Fill with any savory thing you'd like.
5. To make the Sweet Crepes, mix in 1 teaspoon sugar, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, and 1 teaspoon vanilla flavoring.

Hollandaise Sauce

• 4 egg yolks 
• 1 tablespoon water 
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice 
• 6 oz. butter 
• dash of cayenne pepper 
• a pinch of lemon zest 
• salt and pepper to taste 

1. Place a mixing bowl over a sauce pan with water in the pan over medium heat. 
2. Mix the yolks, water, and lemon juice into the bowl. Whisk until thick and pale. 
3. Heat the mixture over the pan until they become frothy, be sure not to over cook the yolks by removing the bowl from the heat occasionally. 
4. When the bottom of the bowl becomes visible between strokes of the whisk add the butter and the avocado. Whisk until the butter become smooth. Over whisking is encouraged. 
5. Whisk in the zest, cayenne pepper, salt and pepper.

Asparagus

• 10 stalks of Asparagus
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 2 pinches of salt

1. Preheat the oven to 400. 
2. Cut the thick end of the asparagus off, because no likes their asparagus to be too girthy.
3. Place the asparagus on a baking pan or a casserole pan. Drizzle the olive oil over the asparagus, spread the garlic evenly atop, and sprinkle on the salt.
4. Cook for 10 minutes. Place 2-3 stalks inside finished crepes and top with hollandaise sauce. Add ham or queso fresco if desired.

Peaches

• 2 peaches diced
• 3 Tablespoons sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 shot of whiskey

1. Place all ingredients into a pan over medium heat stir occasionally and cook until most of the liquid is gone. To firm up the syrup, add a dash of flour if necessary.
2. Put a dollop of cream cheese inside the crepe and top with the peaches.

All these crepetastic pictures taken by Katy Weaver

Okay, I know this is at the bottom of the post, but you're still reading, so it clearly doesn't matter. This blog wouldn't be half of what it is without the photos. I usually just give Katy a quick shout out at the end of the posts, but she really is the other half of the this blogging team. If you ever need any photos taken give her a call.

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Lemon Bacon Shrimp Pasta with Chard

What to make for dinner? We've all found ourselves asking ourselves this question while only having the kitchen only be filled with leftover ingredients of meals past. That's exactly what happened with this dish. It was born out of hunger and the impatience of waiting for a pie to finish baking. Why, yes the pie is indeed going to be the next post. 

Everyone has that one food they can not stand, for me it's brussels sprouts, I know it's a bit cliché, but I don't even like them enough to find a recipe that makes them taste good enough to choke them down. A certain photographer's least favorite food, as weird as it sounds, is bacon, since we basically only had bacon, shrimp, and chard in the fridge, I tried concocting a dish that would hopefully appeal to the both of us.  Not to spoil the end result, but a dual appealing dish was not the result. 

I've thought about it and I'm not going to post the actual recipe on here, because it was sort of a throw a bunch of stuff in a pan and see how it turns out kind of dish. I will tell you what's actually in it, because I'm that nice. Even with just the listed ingredients you should be able to recreate it or creative something simliar of your own.

Lemon Bacon Shrimp Pasta with Chard

• Shrimp (16/20 size)
• Jowl bacon cut into tiny strips
• Lemon juice and zest
• Onion chopped
• Garlic minced
• White wine
• Angel hair pasta
• Chard chopped
• Basil out of jar (I know I'm ashamed of me too, but it was the only basil we had in the kitchen)
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Goat cheese

Serves 4 small portions

Sometimes not using a recipe can be liberating, being able to free yourself from the shackles of Betty Crocker. Take this post as a challenge for the inner culinary explorer within you. See if you can take the inspiration and make it your own with what you have and hopefully make a dish that everyone will enjoy!

Photos by a non-bacon loving Katy Weaver

The Menu

This post is only slightly food based, so I'm sorry if your evening plans included food porn from my blog. If your evening plans do include sexy food images, then I don't want to know what happens in the privacy of your own home.

This post is more of a menu appreciation post. I found this old menu in some of my great aunt's stuff. There's just something about it that appeals to me. It's a combination of the typography, their use of space on the menu, and just the overall simplicity of the entire thing.

I'm guessing this menu is from the 50's or 60's, I'm sorry the carbon dating lab is closed on weekends and I didn't want to wait until I got the lab results in to publish this post. Also, there's a holiday this week and it just would have taken forever for them to mail me the results, so my guess is the best you're going to get for now.

The food on this menu though is definitely old fashioned. I mean "cold pork or beef," "hamburger steak," "breaded veal cutlets," and "hot beef sandwich"(which was NOT my nickname in high school). Also their specialty is potato doughnuts!? You never see that anywhere today.

When I open my restaurant I am going to take a page out of this menu, figuratively of course.

French Onion Soup

It's been kind of cloudy and grey the past couple of days in Portland, even though it's terrible June weather it does make for great soup weather. French onion soup is filling and warm, so it's a nice contrast to the cold and wet weather outside.

I'm a terrible food blogger, because when I went to the store I forgot to buy a loaf of French bread. As a replacement I used the whole grain sourdough bread that was sitting in the bread box. The sourdough was a good replacement, I recommend using sourdough if you don't have any French bread.

This is a very simple dish with only a few ingredients. The hardest part about preparing this dish is cutting the onions, it's going to make you cry, so it's a good time to work through some emotions and think about that childhood pet that's now, "living at a farm upstate." If the onions make you cry too much don't worry, eating the finished soup is like a warm hug.

French Onion Soup

(4 servings)

• 3 1/2 medium yellow onions coarsely chopped
• 3 TBS. butter
• 3/4 cup dry white or red wine (just make sure it's not sweet wine)
• 1 pint vegetable stock or beef stock
• 1 TBS flour
• 4 slices of french bread
• 5 oz. grated Gruyere cheese
• salt and pepper

1. Find the largest pot in your kitchen, okay maybe not that big, but large enough to hold a pint of stock and three and half onions. Melt the butter in the pot over medium high heat. Once the butter has melted add the onions.
2. Preheat the oven to 375. Toast the bread, just a little to remove most of the moisture. It should be slightly crisp. 
3. Occasionally stir the onions, until most of them have turned golden brown. This is an import step in the soup, because it's where most of the flavor develops. Once the onions have browned add 1/2 cup of the wine. Stir occasionally until all the wine has cooked out. Then add the flour to the onions and let the flour brown and stick to the bottom of the pan. Add the stock once that's happened. Scrape the flour off the bottom of the pot and add the rest of the wine. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let the soup simmer for 5-10 minutes and allow the wine to cook off. 
4. Grab 4 oven proof bowls and scoop the soup until it fills 3/4 of the bowl. Lay one slice of bread on top of the soup and layer the grated cheese on top of the soup until you can barely see the soup and bread. Place the bowls in the oven and bake until the cheese is melted and the edge cheese browns a bit. 
5. Remove from oven and eat with fork.

The bowls will be very hot! It's a good idea to have a mat or pad to place the bowl on once you remove it from the oven. 

For a soup that's mostly onions, it's very filling. If you want a good red wine to pair with this soup I recommend a Cabernet Sauvignon, because of the wine's rich buttery taste. Enjoy!

Photos by Katy Weaver