Breakfast Poutine

Over Memorial Day weekend I went to Sasquatch! music festival up in Washington, and met a nice fella from Calgary, Alberta. We proceeded to discuss beer and food. He being from Canada, of course the unofficial Canadian national dish of poutine came up. For those of you who have never had poutine, it's a glorious dish of fries, gravy and cheese curds. Naturally I went with a breakfast version of this pile of cholesterol.

Before I really get into this post I want to make some mentions. As always Katy Weaver has outdone herself with these photos, I guess I'll keep her around. I really wanted channel my inner pretentious hipster though, and mention some of the great bands I saw at Sasquatch! My advice is that you should take a listen to Shovels & Rope, Deep Sea Diver, and Suuns. I also wanted to give a shout out to Terry from Calgary for giving me this recipe idea.

Breakfast Poutine

Yields three servings

• Fries from recipe below
• Hollandaise Sauce from recipe below
• 1 lbs Cheese Curds
• 1/4 cup chopped Chives
• 1 Avocado sliced

1. Plate the fries (recipe below) and top with hollandaise sauce (your guess is as good as mine when finding this recipe) and cheese curds. Garnish with chives and avocado, or just pile on the avocado, I'm not judging. 

Oven Baked Fries

Yields three servings

• 5 medium sized Golden Potatoes batonneted
• 2.5 table spoons Olive Oil
• 1/4 teaspoon of each Salt and Pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon of Garlic Salt
• 1/4 teaspoon Paprika

1. Use a mandolin (this kind, not this kind, but if you do use the musical instrument let me know how it works) to cut the potatoes into slices, then use a knife to batonnet them.
2. Once cut let the potatoes soak in a bowl of water for 5-10 minutes, this process removes some of the starch from the potatoes and makes them crispier once cooked. Preheat the oven to 375.
3. Drain the water from the bowl, then toss the potatoes in olive oil. Place the fries on a cooking sheet and season. 
4. Cook for 10 minutes then use a spatula to flip the tubers. Cook for another 10 minutes or until golden brown. 

Hollandaise Sauce

Devotees of this blog, all three of you, and yes that includes my mom, will remember that I have made several hollandaise sauces, this one, and this one with avocado. For this particular dish I went with the basic one with a little extra cayenne pepper, just for that extra kick!

If you're wondering if it tastes as good as it looks the answer is yes. A warning to the elderly, the pregnant or anyone with heart or back problems, this is a very rich dish and should be consumed at your own caution. On that note, enjoy!

All photos copyright Katy Weaver Photography

Beer Steamed Clams

Because the last post was such a hit, we're keeping in the theme of cancelled TV shows that have been brought back. This week's inspiration is Firefly. Just kidding, Internet, you're never going to get that show back on the air.

Summer is creepily hiding around the corner wearing cut-offs and espadrilles while holding a super-soaker. All personifications aside, Summer in my mind means fresh seafood. Sure you can get seafood literally anytime of the year, but every summer seaside trip has cemented the idea center in my mind that seafood is Summer fare.

Clams are essentially meat-filled rocks. When it comes to cooking these little meaty rocks most use water or wine to steam theirs, but I decided to go down a different path with this recipe.

Beer Steamed clams

2 Servings

• 1 lbs Clams
• 1 bottle of Beer (I suggest a blonde ale)
• 1/4 cups chopped Onion
• 2 tablespoons Olive Oil
• 1 tablespoon minced Garlic
• 2 tablespoons Butter
• juice and zest from half a lemon

1. Pour the olive oil in a sauce pan, be sure it has a lid. Heat the oil over medium, add the onions and garlic; cook until slightly caramelized. 
2. Pour in the beer and turn the heat up to high and cook until boiling. Once the beer reaches a boil add the lemon juice and zest. Oh and the clams.
3. Cover with lid. Once the clams have opened their shells then they're cooked.
4. Scoop out the clams with a slotted spoon and place in the bowls you're serving them in. Add the butter to the liquid that's in the pot and stir until the butter is melted. Once melted pour the briny mixture over the clams in each bowl. Serve and garnish with, uh lets say parsley. 

I'm not adding to my already embiggened ego when I say this is the best kale recipe I've ever came up with.

Whiskey Cooked Kale

2 servings

• 1 bunch of Purple kale chopped
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/4 cup sliced Onion
• 1 tablespoon minced Garlic
• 1 shot of Whiskey
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
• a pinch Salt
• a pinch of Pepper
• juice from 1/2 Lemon

1. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet or wok over medium heat and add the onions and garlic; cook until slightly caramelized.
2. Add the kale to the pan, stir a few times to coat the kale with the oil, then add the lemon and whiskey.
3. Cook until the leaves are wilted.

Garlic Parmesan Bread

2 servings (but if you're not as hungry as we were then I guess this could yield 4 servings) 

• 1 loaf sliced French bread
• 6 tablespoons soft butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons of minced fresh parsley (About 2 sprigs)
• 2 tablespoons of minced garlic
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1/3 cup parmesan cheese grated

1. Pre-heat oven to 375. Mix the butter, olive oil, parsley, garlic, and the spices in a bowl. Use pastry brush to apply the garlic butter to the bread. Top with parmesan cheese.
2. Place in oven until cheese is melted. 

All three elements of this meal work well together. Both the texture and taste vary between each piece, but support one another as if they were a part of a three-piece band. If you're looking for a simple-to-make dish for a quiet summer evening to eat out on the porch then I would recommend making every component of this meal and letting it meld together in your stomach. Enjoy!

As always this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without the fantastic Katy Weaver and her ability to take amazingly beautiful photos.

Skip's Scramble

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What have we always said is the most important thing? Breakfast.

In honor of the return of Arrested Development on the 26th and the one year anniversary of this blog we decided to make Skip's Scramble. 

Do not make the Skip's Scramble. 

The scramble is of course the standout dish of Skip's Bistro from Arrested Development, first featured in the episode, "

Out on a Limb

." This is the only dish that's epic enough to celebrate the return of Arrested Development and the one year blogiversary. You'll notice that all the dishes within the scramble are Arrested Development themed, and yes I even threw some cornballs in there. Sure, this post is a little different than previous ones, but after a year I figured take things to another level and push myself a little harder. I knew that to make it through this dish all I had to do was keep my head down and power through.

Skip's Scramble is the perfect dish to snack on while you binge watch the new season of Arrested Development on Netflix.

Skip's Scramble

• Everything on the menu

I Just Blue Myself Berry Waffles

Yields 6 square waffles

• 1 1/2 cup Flour
• 3 1/2 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 tablespoon Sugar
• 1 1/4 cup Milk
• 1 Egg
• 3 tablespoons melted Butter
• 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Flavoring
• 1/2 cup frozen Blueberries

1. Strip down to your cut-offs and paint yourself blue.
2. Okay good now you're ready to start making waffles. Preheat your waffle iron. 
3. Mix all the dry ingredients together in a bowl. Then mix in the milk, egg, cinnamon, and vanilla flavoring. Once everything is mixed together to a chunky chunky consistency add the blueberries. Stir the blueberries into the mixture and make sure the blueberries turn the batter blue or else you'll be blue (emotionally, not the color).  
4. Plop the batter into your waffle iron and cook until crisp. I would give you an exact time, but your waffle iron is probably really weird and cooks differently than mine.

Banana Stand Pancakes

Finally a breakfast item that will make your banana stand.

Yields 8 large pancakes

• 1 1/4 cup Flour
• 2 t Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 tablespoon Sugar
• 1 cup Milk
• 1 Egg
• 3 tablespoons melted Butter
• 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla Flavoring
• 2 mushed Bananas
• 1/4 cup Nuts
• 1/2 cup Chocolate Chips

1. Promote yourself to Mr. Manager. Then mix all the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Mash up the bananas in a separate bowl then use a spatula to scrape them into the mixing bowl containing the dry ingredients. Add the remaining ingredients, adding the nuts and chocolate chips last. 
2. Cook on a skillet over medium high heat until golden brown on each side. 

Cornball Cakes

Yo soy Loco por los Cornballs tortas!

Yields 10 cornballs

• 1/2 cup Cornmeal
• 1/2 cup Flour
• 1 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1/4 cup Sugar
• 1 Egg
• 1/3 cup Milk
• 1 teaspoon Olive Oil

1. Mix all the dry ingredients in a bowl. Mix in the rest of the ingredients and get ready to start cornballing.
2. Heat oil in a skillet, enough to fry the cornballs. Use a large cereal spoon to scoop the batter into the pan. 

Banger in the Mouth

Oh I forgot here in the states it's called a sausage in the mouth.

• Spicy Pork Sausage

1. If you don't know how to cook sausage then you might need to reevaluate everything in your life.

Balboa Bay Bacon

The key to good bacon is to keep it fresh!

• Bacon

1. Fry in a pan over medium-high heat until crisp.

Model Home Fries

These aren't just a Homefill.

Yields 2 servings

• 3 red potatoes cubed
• 1/2 teaspoon salt 
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon paprika
• 3 tablespoons Olive oil

1. Preheat the oven to 400.
2. Toss the potatoes with the olive oil in a mixing bowl. Once coated with oil sprinkle the spices over the potatoes. Place on a cooking sheet and place in oven.
3. Cook for 10 minutes. Use a spatula to flip the potatoes, continue cooking until golden brown and crispy on the outside. Should be around another 10 minutes of cooking.

Fried Eggs Her? (Not Pictured)

• 2 eggs
• Salt & Pepper to taste

1. Break egg over skillet on medium-high heat.
2. Cook for about 45 seconds and then flip.
3. Cook for 30 seconds. Done.

Hot Ham Water

It's so hammy, and yet there's a smack of ham to it.

• 4 slices of ham

1. Place on skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Cook until slightly brown on each side.
3. Serve with bacon, because ham and bacon go well together.

Scrambled Eggs (Scramende Style)

If you Google this recipe, no results will be found.

• 4 Eggs
• 1/4 teaspoon Paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon Sweet Basil Flakes
• 1/4 teaspoon of Salt & Pepper
• 1/4 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

1. Mix everything in a bowl. Pour into a small skillet and use a rubber spatula to scramble the eggs while they cook.
2. If they look done, then the eggs are probably overcooked.

Vodka on the Rocks with a Piece of Toast

• Vodka
• Ice
• 1 slice of Bread

1. Pour some vodka over ice and remember that it's only 8 am.
2. Make a piece toast.

Poisoned Muffins made by the Muffin Man

1. Just follow this recipe and add your favorite poison, might I suggest something with a bitter almond taste?
2. Place in muffin basket.

It Ain't Easy Being Egg Whites, It Ain't Easy Being Hash Browns

Breakfast food brings everyone together and patches cultural divides.

• 2 large Russet Potatoes grated
• 1/4 cup worth of grated Onion
• Salt & Pepper
• Olive Oil
• 2 Eggs yolk removed

1. Rince the potatoes. Grate the them into a mixing bowl. Squeeze out the juices over the sink. This will make the potatoes crispier once cooked. Grate the onion in with the potatoes. Mix together with the salt and pepper.
2. Pour enough oil into a pan to make a 2 cm-deep pool of oil. Heat over medium high. 
3. Place the potatoes in the pan. Cook for 5 minutes. Flip. Cook until golden brown.
4. Scramble the egg whites in a bowl with salt and pepper. Cook over medium high heat until cooked.

So there you have it, Skip's Scramble. Don't order the Skip's Scramble. We couldn't even make it halfway through it. Though if you're planning on throwing a viewing party I wouldn't dismiss the scramble. This dish pairs nicely with some GoBias Coffee.

All photos taken by the amazing 

Katy Weaver

On the next post of Cooking with B.S.-->

Brian discovers an old recipe from a cookbook from the 1900's. He discribes it to Katy and she rolls her eyes. After adding spices and other things they didn't have in the 1900's he makes "Beef Juice" taste somewhat edible. And Katy somehow makes "Beef Juice" look appetizing.

I need a favor

Crepes

 

Having to choose between two great things is always a tough choice. Rarely in life do we get everything we want, crepes shouldn't be one of those difficult decisions. If you're anything like me then you're always plauged with the age old question, should I make savory or sweet crepes? Sure, making a bland normal batter would result in a crepe that could be filled with either salty or sweet things. That's why I added something extra to the savory batter, which then could easily be turned into a sweet crepe with just a few other ingredients.

Crepes 

Makes about 16 crepes

• 2 large eggs
• 3/4 cup milk (I use 3.8% milk)
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 cup flour
• 3 tablespoons melted butter
• 1/4 teaspoon sweet basil
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

1. Put all ingredients into a bowl. Mix until there's no more clumps. 
2. I recommend using a crepe pan if you have one, or using a shallow skillet. 
3. Cook each side for about 40 seconds over medium heat.
4. Fill with any savory thing you'd like.
5. To make the Sweet Crepes, mix in 1 teaspoon sugar, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, and 1 teaspoon vanilla flavoring.

Hollandaise Sauce

• 4 egg yolks 
• 1 tablespoon water 
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice 
• 6 oz. butter 
• dash of cayenne pepper 
• a pinch of lemon zest 
• salt and pepper to taste 

1. Place a mixing bowl over a sauce pan with water in the pan over medium heat. 
2. Mix the yolks, water, and lemon juice into the bowl. Whisk until thick and pale. 
3. Heat the mixture over the pan until they become frothy, be sure not to over cook the yolks by removing the bowl from the heat occasionally. 
4. When the bottom of the bowl becomes visible between strokes of the whisk add the butter and the avocado. Whisk until the butter become smooth. Over whisking is encouraged. 
5. Whisk in the zest, cayenne pepper, salt and pepper.

Asparagus

• 10 stalks of Asparagus
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 2 pinches of salt

1. Preheat the oven to 400. 
2. Cut the thick end of the asparagus off, because no likes their asparagus to be too girthy.
3. Place the asparagus on a baking pan or a casserole pan. Drizzle the olive oil over the asparagus, spread the garlic evenly atop, and sprinkle on the salt.
4. Cook for 10 minutes. Place 2-3 stalks inside finished crepes and top with hollandaise sauce. Add ham or queso fresco if desired.

Peaches

• 2 peaches diced
• 3 Tablespoons sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 shot of whiskey

1. Place all ingredients into a pan over medium heat stir occasionally and cook until most of the liquid is gone. To firm up the syrup, add a dash of flour if necessary.
2. Put a dollop of cream cheese inside the crepe and top with the peaches.

All these crepetastic pictures taken by Katy Weaver

Okay, I know this is at the bottom of the post, but you're still reading, so it clearly doesn't matter. This blog wouldn't be half of what it is without the photos. I usually just give Katy a quick shout out at the end of the posts, but she really is the other half of the this blogging team. If you ever need any photos taken give her a call.

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Carrot Pie

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Carrot pie is one of those things that shouldn't work, but somehow it does.

Carrots

Whoever came up with the phrase, "easy as pie" was an asshole. They probably never made a pie in their life. I'll admit it; I never bake, I tend to stick with cooking, but I like to expand my horizons and challenging myself, so I thought, "oh, yeah I'll make a pie, how hard could that be?" It was hard, you guys. The crust was a pain, in my crust. If you're naturally talented at baking pie, I salute you. But with most challenging things in life the end result was worth all the struggle.

Carrot Pie

Carrot Pie

Crust

• 2 cups flour
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1/3 cup shortening
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 6 Tablespoons of cold water

1. Let's start with the crust. Sift the flour into a large mixing bowl, mix in the butter, shortening and salt with a pastry blender. Blend until the bits of butter and shortening are about pea sized. Mix in the water. 
2. Once the dough is in a ball like shape, roll it out on parchment paper, I learned this the hard way, parchment paper makes things a hundred times easier.
3. Roll the dough out and put it in whatever pie pan you have sitting around your kitchen. Crimp the edges to make a nice crust.

Pie crust

Filling

• 1 cup mashed carrots
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup milk
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla flavoring
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
• 1/2 teaspoon ginger
• pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup slivered almonds
• 2 tablespoons honey

1. Preheat the oven to 425.
2. Boil the carrots until they get soft enough to break apart with with a fork. Strain and mash with a potato masher. Mix in the sugar, milk, eggs, and spices. Mix until well blended. 
3. Pour the mixture into the pie crust. Top with the almonds and drizzle the honey over the almonds. 
4. Bake until the edges are golden brown. 

Katy Weaver Photography

Cream Cheese Lemon Drizzle

• 2 tablespoons cream cheese
• 2.5 cups of powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon of lemon zest
• 1 teaspoon of lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon of butter
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla flavoring
• 1/2 teaspoon of milk

1. Mix all these things together.
2. Drizzle over a cooled slice of carrot pie.

Carrot Pie

Slice of pie

Slicin' into that pie

Pie Crumbs

The result of this experiment was a pie that was reminiscent of carrot cake. The crumbly crust added another texture layer that was welcome. It's a great dish to shock people with, at first when you tell them you're making carrot pie they dismiss it, but once they take that first bite they realize what they've been missing. Enjoy!

Pie pics by Katy Weaver. Honestly I think these are some of the best photographs she's taken for this blog yet.